Wednesday, January 30, 2013

The English plural according to George Carlin

Not much going on today. I had planned on renewing my driver’s license today but we got around 3 inches of snow and winds gusting to 35 overnight. The snow has stopped but not the wind. All the area schools have another snow day. They will be going to school into June at this rate. I figure the roads to the neighboring town, 20 miles from here, can’t be too safe. I have been so busy that I was way behind in my emails. Decided this would be a good day to catch up. The following was one that was in the 90+ plus email that had collected in my inbox. 
Enjoy and stay safe.

The English Plural
according to....

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. 
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; 
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple. 
English muffins weren't invented in England.

We take English  for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square, 
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, 
Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one   of them,
What do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? 
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speakingEnglish
Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

We ship by truck but send cargo by ship...
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
In which your house can burn up as it burns down,
In which you fill in a form by filling it out,
And in which an alarm goes off by going on.
And in closing..........

If Father is Pop,
how come Mother's not Mop????
Compilation Copyright ? Wink Creations


  1. That was hilarious. I wonder how long it took him to write that. He was a very intelligent man. I liked to listen to his albums. You have to get past his foul language and the fact that by the time he was leaving this earth, he didn't believe in God or prayer at all. I figure something had to have happened to him along the way to make him such a bitter person by his late albums. If you listen to them, when he is performing, you can hear a pin drop during a lot of his skit....if you can call it a skit. Mostly, he is telling it like it is, and it is very sobering. There are very few laughs. As a matter of fact, I usually got depressed listening, but he had some valid points. As he does in this particular rant. Thanks for posting it. Makes me remember when we actually laughed at what he had to say. :)

  2. I loved this! Wow were in the 90's yesterday and the 80's today, so I feel like we've already skipped winter. I don't know that I'd want a snow storm, but a little cooler weather down here would be nice! Take care-

  3. Well connected to Major Expressway such as Pan-Island Expressway (PIE) and Central
    Expressway (CTE) to get you to places in no time.